The Sanity Lounge is a place where I expose myself to a semi private audience (you can make it completely private if you like.) I feel it is important to share some of my thoughts which have flowed so easily in this space. It's the conversations I yearn to have with my sisters; STRAIGHT UP! ON THE ROCKS! I can't emphasize enough the importance of getting your feelings out in a journal; write, draw, scribble, collage etc. Carry a physical one with you in your physical bag AND have one online if you'd like. For me the pounding of the keys maintains the rhythm. TOOL YOUR B*A*G. Your thoughts flow. Then find true sister friends whom with you can share. Thank you for being here and allowing me to share.
Friday August 7, 2010 11:00 PM - Had the best impromptu meet up with Kirsten tonight. Husband is home this whole week, which is the first time all summer. Hence, making this last minute meet up possible.
We talked for 3.5 hours. Time flies when you are physically with somebody who understands where you are at and each of you unselfishly wants to help the other along the journey. It seems I have very few "sisters" like that in my real life. Most of are online, which is awesome, but you know what I mean.
Driving home the word TORN is taking up huge space in my head. I see a piece of paper being divided into 5 strips, tearing, tearing me down. Laying down in a heap, me, my daughter, my son, my husband and my father, the paper turns into a thick liquid, as if it has melted. Slowly, calmly spreading like the most amazing glaze on the most delicious mound of dessert. Equal parts everywhere. Not torn. Flowing, flowing flowing.
First it starts with me tall and rigid. The heat of my love softens me. The tall tower slumps and spreads. Suddenly I see in all directions.
Is this wishful harmony, peace and joy. NO. I don't think so. The difference between the tear and the melt is all about my presence with the feelings. I am not pieces to be torn and given away. I melt over everyone, whole, connecting, loving and bringing whole peace, not pieces.
Physically I can't be with everyone that needs me in their life right now, but i can be spiritually. Inside the melted icing, forming waves where I physically surf from one physical body to the next. Always my spirit there. The invisible yummy thread.
On my way home from a wonderful physical meeting of mind, body and spirit I almost shifted into auto pilot. Schedules and needs of others bursting the bubble. I came back quickly and thought I'm going to the journaling lounge before I go to bed.
It's an interesting place here. Writings that don't fit my blog. I feel like exposing my naked soul. Writing flows much better for me through the physical act of typing. I can not get this with my physical journal I carry. I draw stick figures there. You can't really type them. I suppose. Only the smiley face. I do write in my physical journal and not usually in a straight lines. Words everywhere.
I spoke to Kirsten about intention tonight. I really feel I am laser beaming on specific intentions lately. It's a good thing. I have a huge vision. Now I am reconciling with the amount of time I can spend on my drive, passion and purpose, given our situation. TORN!!! NO!!! Flowing grace. intention. All battles are fought internally.