Modern B*a*g Lady Truth #5

The sooner you find an excuse to find joy, the sooner you can spread it.

For some unknown reason the GPS kept activating on my phone. Well it had to be the Dorky Mom FBI division seeking out their top operative for another mission. I was ready and willing to serve my fellow Dorky Moms. I awaited the arrival of the SUV. I would be briefed on the newly released inappropriate jokes and dork dances. Goal: embarrass our children and make them fearful of growing old and acting just like their mothers.

I tweeted two of my informants, Tracie and Meagan. I would be parachuting down momentarily. We were instructed to seek out yellow colored objects in which to construct THE ULTIMATE YELLOW JOY MACHINE.

Universal Truth: Everyone has a purpose. It doesn't start by finding it. It starts by giving it to yourself. It leads you and pulls you towards IT. A continuous cycle of mystery and discovery. The pursuit.

I See You. I See Me. I'm in Awe.

When I see you, I see me. I'm in awe. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're brave. I know you fart.

When I see you. I wonder how to be. That could be bad if that makes me feel less of me. Yes I doubt myself from time to time, but so do you. I know this to be true. When I see me. I see you.

The room is filled with 325 beautiful women. She has style. That one has grace. She can sing. Kelly and I exchange possum stories. Really? Yes really. Its amazing what will bind two complete strangers, so talk and listen. Kelly started a blog a day after we spoke. I love her for that. She has an amazing story. She has overcome so many things and she is making a difference in other's lives. Possum stories? Really? Yes really. I'll never forget Kelly.

Some think Twitter is a waste of time. I met Patti Digh (@pattidigh) via Danielle LaPorte (daniellelaporte) on Twitter. Their rants, wisdom and love shared through this Twitter thing is part of my customized daily newspaper. There are some pretty cool dudes that find space on these pages as well. Patti says, "Sit the hell down and write." 10-4, Patti. That's what I am doing right now. Danielle says, "I no sooner want to be balanced than I want to be a “good” girl. “Balance” is not something I want to live down to." Now this is a good read for us busy, busy, busy, control freaks.

I did a vision board a year ago. Turning my intuition into visual art has resulted in me being awe struck. Click on the vision board link and get going on yours today. Inspire me. Please, please do. When I see you, I see me.

If I told you that I loved you, would you believe me? Believe me or not, I do. Why? Because I can and it makes me feel good. Hating, just sucks.

I know this seems like an odd ending, but you should never fake an orgasm or pretend to be someone you're not. The real you is awe inspiring. The beautiful. The ugly. The hurting. The loving. Don't' fake you. I won't fake me.

Modern B*a*g Lady Truth #4

She who insists on constantly riding "too busy highway" will run out of fuel just before "get real" exit.

Universal Truth: Old habits are hard to break and new ones hard to create. Unfortunately, sometimes we need a good kick in the ass.

Modern B*a*g Lady Truth #3

It literally stinks (: () when you have to throw away your most comfortable, holey, beloved pair of underwear. And when you finally build up of the courage to bid a farewell, odds are all your other comfortable pair of underwear need to be laundered.

Universal Truth: Growth and excellence both have a healthy dose of discontent.

Housework (Life's Work) is Never Done

This a reminder to embrace what life gives us, keeping in mind our life's purpose. Our work is never done. "Its a good thing".

**Newsflash ** Newsflash**

Attention all family members inhabiting the Lampe domain we call a home.

In an attempt to eliminate all housework we will adopt the following rules of engagement.....

Air will be our only source of nourishment as not to dirty a dish or create any waste required to be hauled out as trash.

We can no longer wear clothing that could be soiled, so therefore we must remain in our own domain as not to be arrested for indecent exposure.

We will sleep standing up so not to soil bedding.

A huge bubble will be constructed around our home sealing off all dirt and dust.

We can not exit this bubble hence being contaminated with outside dirt, which could be carried into our bubble.

Personal hygiene, now that my be a tricky one. I guess no showers, shaving or brushing our teeth. Can't be dirtying any vessels with soap scum, toothpaste or whiskers. Hmm, consuming air probably eliminates, elimination.

Hey as much I dislike housework and dislike more that it is the never ending story, let's just face it, "The dirt, trash, soap scum and sweat is worth the living of our lives". The day the housework ends is the day our life has ended.

As I climb the stairs, littered with stuff, I will take one thing at a time and put it back in its place. As I wash each dish I will feel blessed that we have been nourished with the food placed upon it. As I wash each piece of clothing I will be reminded of the the worthy work we did that day. As I suck up dirt with my very lovely Kirby I am happy to be getting much needed exercise.

Now go live your life, get dirty, do the housework and enjoy it damn it! Oh ya, ask for help!

The world deserves your gifts. Don't hold back. Spread your joy. shred your fear and have a little fun.

Modern B*a*g Lady Truth #2

When you view yourself as a Traveling Sanctuary™ your motor is passion and purpose, your fuel is joy and love, and your fumes nourish the universe.

Universal Truth - Our spiritual environment and physical environment are connected. Both need a green approach.

B*a*g Lady Truth #1

If God & the Universe work in mysterious ways, than there is a mystery novel implanted into your heart at birth. Can't read a book by sticking it on your head. Open the pages. Reveal the mystery.

Universal truths: Childlike ~ Open ~ Books ~ Read

I'm a Millionaire ~ Cha-Ching

I’ve seen many articles, studies and books on the subject of happiness these days, many on the relationship between money and happiness. It got me to thinking about my “millions”. Do I have a million of anything? Here is my top ten list, for which I am thankful.

(Dancing B*a*g Lady Millionaire cruises town on her tricycle.)

1. I know I have had multi-millions of seconds of joy, love, fun, happiness

2. I have had multi-millions of seconds of learning life’s lessons through sadness and hard work.

3. After 20 years with the same company I have 2.6 million seconds of earned vacation every year (6 weeks). I spend at least 1 million seconds of this (11.5 days) vacation seconds with my husband and children.

4. I have earned 1 million pennies ($10,000) a few times a year, which weighs 6273 pounds and if stacked together would measure 4 feet wide, 5 feet tall and 12 inches thick.

5. I inhale approximately 1 million times every 70 days.

6. I inhale approximately 1 million cubic inches of air each day.

7. My heart beats approximately 35 million times a year.

8. I am sure I have listened to at least 1 million beats of music in my life time.

9. There are 304 million humans in the United States. I view them all as my brothers and sisters.

10. Hey we have 100 billion brain cells! BONUS!!!!!! This is more than there are stars in the galaxy. Just imagine what we can create with our 100 billion brain cells.

So if I used the millions I have today to bring 1 million dollars into my bank account what would I do with it? And would it give me happiness? As I read an article from the St. Paul Pioneer Press, “Rewarding Life” it claims recent research shows maybe money really can buy you happiness, if you spend it the right way”, I think it depends on what the million dollars is for.
How many millions of seconds of love, joy, fun and happiness would I sacrifice for the 1 million dollars? I see it this way; if by pursuing my dreams and being true to myself I earn 1 million dollars I hit the double bonus.

I think we would all agree that we are pursuing our dreams for more than 1 million dollars. We are in it for the multi-millions of seconds of joy, love, fun, happiness we can give ourselves, our families and the world.

What came first the chicken or the egg? If the chicken was the 1 million dollars and the egg was multi-millions of seconds of joy, love, fun & happiness, I would say the egg.

Let’s use our millions to spread joy, shred fear and have more fun!!!

Charisma, Passion, Fruit and Pies ~ Very Interesting

I conducted a mini vision board workshop with a women's networking group a week ago. I shared with them the whats, wheres and why's of vision boards, based on an article I wrote for http://www.survivormanual.com/, entitled, More Scavenger Hunt than Map. You should really click on the article to learn more about this visual aid to creating your hopes, dreams, passions and goals.


I was picking up magazines, scissors and glue sticks, as I approached a gal to ask about her vision board. It oozed of passion. I had observed her in previous meetings. I could tell she loved life. I knew that she made homemade soaps and hand lotions, but that was all I knew. As she discussed the items she had placed on her vision board she says to me, "I find you so interesting." Me? Interesting? Sure, why not.



Here's the truth, everybody is interesting. Here's our obstacles, #1 most don't share themselves and #2 most don't care to listen when somebody cares to share themselves. So, her making the comment about me being interesting was a win-win. I shared my passion, she cared enough to listen and I asked her what she was passionate about. I found her interesting. How couldn't I.


I started to read, Give Your Speech, Change the World, How to Move Your Audience to Action, by Nick Morgan this week. I did something that night, while giving my speech, that was apparently on target according to this book. I think we would all agree that speakers with charisma have the ability to captivate their audience. Well, charisma isn't a gene. It is simply expressiveness, which is being open to your audience and sharing you and your passions. Now imagine yourself as this passion flower below. Look how interesting it looks. It's no wonder they named this flower "passion". It's sharing everything. How can you not be captivated.



PASSION (noun). 1. Great emotion. 2. Determination. 3. The object of passionate love. 4. Suffering



YOU'RE PASSIONATE! At least, I hope you have passion in your lives. If we weren’t, why would we work so hard for our dreams? And DREAMS, I am amazed and overwhelmed by everyone’s stories, struggles, talents, drive and compassion that fuel your dreams. In this virtual community that we belong we are fueling each other’s dreams as well.

Some of our dreams were born from a very immediate financial need. Other dreams were born from the need of self expression, connecting ourselves with our purpose for the world, or a need to solve nagging problems. Mostly our dreams are born out of a combination of all these things.

OBSESSION (noun). 1. Unhealthy fixation. 2. Irrational preoccupation


Can our passions turn into obsessions? It certainly is a possibility especially when we are so passionate about our dreams. To avoid moving from passion to obsession I imagine of my life as one big pie where I mix all my passion fruits (family, business, work, community, husband, brains, heart, suffering). By born inheritance I believe women are much more equipped to mix our fruit and reap the benefits. My 7 year old teaches me something that I can apply to my work. My work teaches me something that I can apply to my personal life. Sharing my whole self in everything I do is me cutting into myself and offering a slice of myself to everyone I encounter. You see my layers.



Just one last thought on PASSION. Suffering is a component of our passion fruit pie and the part that usually holds us back the most. Fear shields us from possible suffering and the non-acceptance that blinds us from the lesson it is here to teach us.

Here's to Charismatic, Mixed Passion Fruit Pie and interesting diner talk.

Birthing a New World - International Women's Day

I wrote this post last year. A re-post is in order today, International Women's Day. I find it interesting that I feel more comfortable saying, It took balls to do this or that, rather than saying the word vagina. Can you imagine a man saying to another man, "Women (man) that took a huge vagina to take that risk." This makes me laugh out loud. Now let's practice together, "vagina, vagina, vagina." How about, "It took a magnificent birth canal to deliver those types of results."

I had the distinct pleasure of attending a local performance of "The Vagina Monologues" in Red Wing last night. Red Wing, having a population of only 15,000 I feel rather lucky to have The Sheldon Theatre, which brings performing arts to our community.

In the 1990's, playwright, Eve Ensler interviewed over 200 women about their sexuality and their vaginas in particular. From those interviews she wrote "The Vagina Monologues" and performed the show across the country. Ensler was deeply moved by the number painful stories of physical and sexual violence women shared with her after her performances. In response she created, V-Day. V as in Victory, Valentine and Vagina. In February, March and April she permits organizations to produce a Vagina Monologues as a fundraiser. Since 1998, V-Day events have raised over $60 million for local beneficiaries working to end violence against women and girls. Last night's performance benefited our local Goodhue Wabash Sexual Assault Services.

Here's a peek at some of the titles, "The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could", "My Angry Vagina" and "The Flood". The monologues were real, touching, funny and sobering. It fueled my desire to express my true self even more in my work and in my writing. I was so impressed with the women's performances and proud to be a woman......a women with A VAGINA!!!

The performance profoundly echoed my thoughts of "We are real. We are not yes ladies. We are Oh Yes Ladies and it feels really good." It reaffirmed the misconception that all of your private thoughts are to stay private. Headline...... Kim Lampe Loves Her Vagina. Um no, that's not what I meant. It all goes back to being the Traveling Sanctuary. The safe place for others. There will be a day when somebody needs to share some private thoughts. Will you be the safe, secure landing place?

If my vagina could talk it would say, "I hold much power. I will take great care with this power." I am pleasure. I am pain. I'm a *itch. I'm a lover. I give birth, hence my space shifting ability. I have something very important to say. Get down here and listen would you?"

In some weird way I left the performance feeling like all my womanly power was centered in my vagina, which means I must have two hearts and two brains. Watch out world here we come.

"Are My Fangs Showing?"

I've been here before. Sitting in bed with my electronic journal. Desperate to write a stunning, inspirational, funny, insightful post. I had wanted to write about the wonderful mini vision board workshop I conducted Monday, but my patience has been on my mind quite a bit lately. The light, fun vision board post will need to wait a day or two.

Just a little baffled over how it (my patience) can be like those indestructible Sears Tuffskin jeans, as I brave the morning and as thin as my grandmothers apron by about 7:00 pm. At this hour I find myself in a kind of prayer that is more like a plea. Lord, place some wisdom upon my head and peace upon my heart. "What was so abrasive that it could have gnawed away, at what I believe to be steel infused denim."

I'm convinced it is more likely an inner venom, eating away from the inside out, rather than the outside in. It weakens my fibers, causing minor abrasions to erode away the strands. As quickly as the fangs show, love kicks in and causes a retraction. I wonder, "Is there any mother who has never been at this place I find myself as the day turns to night?" Surely not!? I am also convinced that being a parent is the toughest job, equally weighted with fringe benefits.

Gavin comes home with holes in the knees of his pants more times than I would like. It reveals his action packed day. It seems we have all had "our" day away, ready to drop into the safety net of our home. We do retract the fangs quickly. In an odd way I find comfort in it all, just like Grandma's apron.

I know, a bit dramatic. Thank you for stopping by and listening. Restored peace of mind, yet again.