Monday, October 12, 2009

Buried Fears - Awakening The Worse Kind of "not a morning person"

As a child, I recall a feeling of hesitation whenever my mother asked me to wake my dad. He was a night person, not a morning person. He wasn't mean. It just seemed that way because his attempts at speaking resulted in grunting. I'm not a morning person either. I would just as soon stay up half the night and sleep in. I've been known to grunt at people in the morning. I sincerely thought I had said, "good morning" when all they heard was, "(*^%&^%*". I start warming up about 10 am.

From this perspective I know why it takes a trusting, loving person to wake your buried fears. I've stuffed some of my fears deep inside the hallows of my insides. I have crammed them down as far as possible, putting them in this tight little ball, stuff, stuff, stuff. I've done my best to ignore those unkept creatures, but their poison continues to upset my stomach and give me headaches. Pop a TUMS and an ADVIL. Nice little band aid.

I have this certain fear that I've been treating like a mushroom, keeping it in the dark and feeding it, you know what, when MY MOTHER enters the scene. Mom just retired and graciously came to visit for a few weeks. I think she wanted to mother me. She cleaned, did dishes, made supper, picked up the kids from school and found some time for herself. I WAS GRATEFUL, but something interesting happens when a loving person enters your world full time for 2 weeks. THEY SENSE YOUR FEARS AND WANT TO WAKE THEM UP!?!? Let's just hypothetically call this little sleeping GIANT, "parenting my strong willed 7 year old son, who is mommy's little baby and knows how to manipulate mommy's weaknesses".

"Kim, you can't let him treat you that way." That's all it took. "How dare you wake me! You haven't been here. You don't know what I've had to deal with." Now I knew my mom was right and I didn't deny it, yet the fear continued to slumber, grunting and settled back into the darkness for a little while. Let's just say my mom's loving intention kept nudging it in the shoulder. SHAKE SHAKE. Time to get up sleepy head. "Would you leave me alone!!" Mother continues, "GET YOUR BUTT UP NOW!!!" Well it is exactly what I need to start slaying this fear. I'M UP NOW!!

I say all of this to encourage others to seek out your loving support. Sometimes its so scary to wake those fears that we actually deny ourselves this loving attention. Let others be your Traveling Sanctuaries. Together we can wake our fears and get some amazing STUFF done. Before we know it, it's past 10 am and we're having a very joyful time.

"Good Morning!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Congratulate your mom on her retirement!! I know how excited she was about it. Sounds like she has a few new missions in life!